


Now or Never

by QianLan



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Cuddling & Snuggling, Flirting, For Science!, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Smuggler!Finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:59:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QianLan/pseuds/QianLan
Summary: A series ofWhat Ifs?What if Finn had run to the Outer Rim with the crew that Maz suggested?What if he met up with Poe again a few years later?What if they both felt something but were too scared to say anything?What if during their last night together, they started playing a little game to try to work up the courage to just sayplease stay with me?





	Now or Never

 

 

Poe stared at the durasteel wall.  _This is it.  Our last night…_   He took in a breath, tried to hold it, and slowly let it out.  _It’s now or never._

 

He rolled onto his back and listened to Finn’s breathing, steady and sure, like it always was.  _If I don’t do this now, he’ll be gone and…_

 

**# # # #**

 

Finn stared at the ceiling of his cabin.  This little smuggler’s ship—a YT-2400 light freighter he’d lovingly modified over the past few years—was his first real home.

 

After escaping the First Order and running to the Outer Rim, he’d fallen in with group after group, working odd jobs, learning how to fly (and becoming quite the cunning gambler too), until he’d saved enough credits for the _Defiance_.  That’s what he named her. 

 

The _Defiance_ , well, she represented Finn’s new life—on her, he called the shots, he plotted the next course, he said when and where she set down.  This life was his and his alone, and it felt good.

 

But that didn’t mean it was enough.

 

Finn had been running transports and doing a bit of light smuggling for the last few years.  He’d made a name for himself out in the rougher parts of the galaxy as a stand-up guy, someone beings could trust.  And he’d done it all on his own.

 

_But now…_

 

Finn worked to keep his breathing steady as he thought about the man lying on the other side of the bed.  _Tomorrow, we’ll land, and he’ll be gone and…_

 

Ever since he’d spotted Poe Dameron getting the stuffing knocked out of him in that bazaar on Nar Kreeta, he’d started thinking—about what might’ve been, about what might still could be—Finn didn’t necessarily regret his decision to come to the Outer Rim, but now he wondered if it might be time to get back into the fight.

 

More than that, though, he wondered if it might be time to open up his heart and let someone in.

 

His breath hitched.  _I don’t want you to go, Poe._

 

**# # # #**

 

Poe heard it, that little stutter in Finn’s breathing, and he opened his mouth.  “Finn,” he whispered, hoping against hope.

 

“Yeah,” came Finn’s reply.

 

 _Now or never, Dameron._   Poe turned onto his side, facing Finn.  “Uh…”

 

Finn turned onto his side, facing Poe.  “Yeah?  What is it?  You okay?”  He nodded to Poe’s arm, wounded in a skirmish two days earlier.

 

“Oh yeah, that’s fine,” Poe said, moving his arm around a bit.  “Just a scratch.”

 

Finn rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, right.”  He remembered watching the Stormtroopers open fire on Poe’s position, the feeling in his chest when he saw Poe get hit.  His breathing hitched again.  He looked back over at Poe with wide, hopeful eyes.  _Tell me you don’t want me to go.  Ask me to stay._

**# # # #**

 

 _Ask me to stay.  Or better yet, say you want to come with me.  You’d be so good in the Resistance, Finn.  You have to know that_.  Poe closed his eyes for a moment.  As he opened them, he begged the universe _, let me have this._

Poe still couldn’t believe it was really happening. 

 

A week ago, he’d been kidnapped by slavers.  He escaped while they were doing repairs on their ship, and while the slavers were chasing him through the local bazaar, he was rescued by a smuggler who turned out to be Finn—beautiful, wonderful Finn, who Poe thought was lost after Takodana and who of course turned up to rescue Poe AGAIN because…  _Because the galaxy is a magical place_ , Poe thought, staring at the other man.  _And it believes in second chances._

 

Since the rescue, they’d evaded the slavers and bounty hunters, and two days ago, a garrison of Stormtroopers, and now, Finn was taking Poe back to the Resistance.

 

They’d been sharing Finn’s bed since Poe had come aboard—over the years, Finn had remodeled the other living quarters to make more room for storage _._   But his bed was huge and they both kept to their sides and…  _And I’ve died a little bit every night_ , Poe thought.

 

He opened his mouth.  _Damn, Finn, why do you have to look so fragging hopeful?_   “Uh…”

 

Finn smiled.  “You already said that, Dameron.”

 

Poe laughed.  “Yeah, I was just…”  _Now or never._   He figured out his angle and relaxed.  “I was just thinking, sharing a bed this entire week and never once did we end up in each other’s business.”

 

Finn looked thoughtful.  “True,” he said.  “I guess we’re both just considerate sleepers.”

 

“Yeah, but all the stories, that’s how it starts.”

 

“How what starts?”

 

“Oh, you know, two beings share a bed and they end up with their limbs entangled, and one thing leads to another and…”

 

“Well, I guess it would depend on the beings,” Finn said.  He nudged just a bit closer to Poe.

 

Poe nudged forward and said, “I guess.  But is it really so dangerous to bump into each other in the middle of the night?”

 

“I don’t think bumping is dangerous,” Finn said.  He playfully reached out and pushed Poe’s shoulder.

 

Poe chuckled.  “Yeah, unless you’re a light sleeper.”

 

“Which neither of us are,” Finn added.

 

“True,” Poe said, moving just a bit closer to Finn.  “So, if you and I were to accidentally bump into each other tonight, it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever.”

 

“No,” Finn said, inching a bit closer to Poe.  “In fact, I’m guessing that it would be okay even if we were touching.”

 

“Touching?”

 

“Yeah,” Finn said.  “You know, my arm next to yours or sleeping side by side.  I mean, I’ve done a lot of that in my life and it didn’t mean anything.”

 

“Sure,” Poe said.  “Who serves in the military and doesn’t learn how to sleep in close quarters?”  He scooted over until he was right next to Finn.  Then he flopped onto his back.  Finn did the same.  Poe said, “So, like this?”

 

Finn scrunched over until their sides were touching.  “Yeah, like this.”  Every part of his body was on fire, and he was working to keep his breathing steady.

 

Poe couldn’t help but close his eyes for a moment and just take in the feeling.  His voice sounded a bit strained as he said, “I mean, if we were to sleep like this, I’d be fine with it.”

 

“Me too,” Finn said, his voice just a bit too high.  After a moment, he added, “So, what’s the problem?”

 

“I guess the problem comes when you’re invading each other’s space?  Arms wrapped around each other, legs intertwined, or maybe heads resting on chests?”

 

“I can see that,” Finn said.  “That’s getting a bit intimate.”

 

Poe sat up.  “You think?”

 

Finn followed him up.  “Yeah.  If I can hear your heartbeat or feel it, then I think we’ve reached a certain level of intimacy.”

 

“Oh,” Poe said, desperately wanting to reach over and feel Finn’s heartbeat.  “That makes sense.”

 

“But again, it’s about personal preference.  Maybe I don’t mind hearing your heartbeat?”

 

Poe nodded.  “Or maybe the ship’s systems are offline and you’re losing heat.  In that case, you’d want to be all over each other.”

 

“Very good point,” Finn said, trying not to stare at Poe.

 

“So, would you mind?”

 

“Losing heat?”

 

“No,” Poe said, trying to sound casual and failing.  “Being all over each other?”

 

Finn sucked in a breath.  _Play in cool_.  He shrugged.  “I guess it would depend on how and with who.”

 

“Well,” Poe said, turning and pushing Finn back down onto his back.  “Let’s say you’re here.”

 

“Like this,” Finn asked.

 

“Yeah,” Poe breathed out, just taking him all in.  He stared for just a moment too long before shaking himself out of it.  “Uh, and what if I’m here?”  He put his head on Finn’s chest, throwing an arm over him and wrapping his left leg over Finn’s.

 

Finn shifted and moved his left arm to Poe’s back as he let his right fall over Poe’s.  “Hmmmmm,” Finn sighed.  “I don’t see a problem with it.”

 

Poe lifted his head.  “Really?”

 

“Yeah.  What about you?”

 

“No, I like it,” he said.  “But I’m a cuddler.”

 

 _Of course, he is_.  Finn smiled.  “Yeah?”

 

“The worst kind of cuddler,” Poe said, putting his head down, loving the feeling of Finn’s chest rising and falling.  “I’m basically a baby rathtar.”

 

Finn moved his hand up to card through Poe’s hair and Poe damn near purred.  Finn chuckled.  “Like that?”

 

“Maker, yes,” Poe said.

 

“You know…”  Finn panicked.  _No_.  _I’m pushing it too far._

 

“What?”

 

“No, it’s…  No.  Nevermind.”

 

Poe raised his head, putting his chin on Finn’s chest.  “No, what?”

 

“Well, it’s just that…”  Finn felt himself flush.  _Say it!_ “Don’t most beings sleep in…less?”

 

Poe’s breathing stopped.  _KRIFF._   “Uh, yeah.  You’re right, buddy.”  He was finally able to blink.  “I completely forgot about that.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Finn started.

 

“No,” Poe said quickly, pushing up off him.  “If we’re gonna do this, we should do it right, right?”

 

There was a pause.  This little game they were playing was a fragile thing, Finn knew that.  And the next move was all his. 

 

 _It’s now or never_ , he thought.  He let a slow smile spread across his face.  “Well, we gotta do it right, don’t we?”

 

“Damn right, we do,” Poe said, pulling off his shirt.

 

Finn fought the urge to reach out and touch him.  Instead, he sat up, pulling off his own shirt.

 

Poe was already working on his boots and pants.

 

“Why are you sleeping in your kriffing boots, Poe?”

 

“Gotta be ready for anything,” he said, nearly falling off the bed.  “Life of a Resistance soldier.”

 

Finn laughed.  He kicked off his pants and leaned back, watching as Poe scrambled back up towards him.  Finn tried not to focus on the fact that they were both down to their underwear.   “So, where were we,” Poe asked.  Finn pointed to his chest and Poe felt all the air in the room disappear.

 

“Uh, Poe?”

 

Poe shook his head.  “Yeah, right.  Sorry!”  He snuggled up against Finn.  “I was here and you were,” he grabbed Finn’s arm, trying to get it back around him, “and you were here.”

 

Finn hummed his agreement and shifted until he had Poe back in his arms.  “Like this?”

 

“Yeah,” Poe breathed out.  Then, a moment later, “Except you were playing with my hair.”

 

“Ahhh, yes,” Finn said, moving his hand back up to run his fingers through the pilot’s curls.  “How’s that?”

 

Poe bit back a moan.  “That’s…that’s…” _pressing all my kriffing buttons_ , “that’s great, Finn.”

 

“Good,” Finn said.  “Gotta do this right.”

 

“Exactly,” Poe whispered.

 

Finn petted through Poe’s hair for another minute before Poe said, “I always wondered about you, you know.”

 

“Hmmmm,” Finn asked.

 

Poe raised his head, looking at Finn.  “I always wondered what happened to my dashing Stormtrooper.”

 

Finn snorted.

 

“No, seriously.  That’s what I told all of them—the dashing Stormtrooper who rescued me—and hell, Rey agreed.  Very dashing.”

 

 _Rey._   It was a name he hadn’t thought of in a long time.

 

“How is she?”

 

“Rey?  She’s a fragging Jedi now…or, well, there aren’t any Jedi anymore, but if there still were, she’d be one.”

 

“Wow,” Finn said.  “Good for her.”

 

“Good for all of us, buddy.  She’s amazing.”

 

Finn nodded.  “I remember.”

 

Poe searched Finn’s face, trying to figure him out.  “Why’d you leave?  Back on Takodana?”

 

Finn stared up at the ceiling, still running his hand through Poe’s hair.  He shrugged.  “Scared, I guess.  Felt like I was putting Rey and Han in danger.  Didn’t want to go back.”  He sighed.  “I felt like I broke out of hell and if I stayed, they’d figure out a way to drag me back in.”

 

Poe nodded and put his head back down.  “So, why’d you help me in the bazaar?”  He started tracing little figure eights on Finn’s chest.

 

“Because it was the right thing to do.”

 

Poe snorted.

 

Finn laughed, but there was truth to what he said, “Look, I may have run, flyboy, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t managed to keep a moral compass all this time.  Most of my smuggling is for beings needing help.  I get paid in hand-knitted sweaters and grandma’s special bread just as often as I do in credits.” 

 

Poe smiled.  “You have any of that bread around?”

 

Finn swatted his head.  “Hush.”  He continued, “I stepped in to help you with those slavers because if the situation were reversed, I’d hope someone would step in and rescue me too.”

 

“Kriff,” Poe breathed out.  “You’re even better than I remember.”

 

“Well, you weren’t seeing me at my best.”

 

“I beg to differ,” Poe said.

 

Finn felt warm all over.  “Poe?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How long are we gonna dance around this?”

 

“How long we got?”

 

Finn looked over at the chrono on the wall.  “About nine hours, give or take.”

 

Poe sighed.  _Nine hours_.  It seemed, at once, like far too much time and not nearly enough.  He traced an elaborate design down to Finn’s belly button as he started talking, “I figure, if a being is real lucky, they get a few moments of clarity in their life.  When the General offered me a position with the Resistance, that was one.  When you took off that blasted helmet and told me you were helping me escape, that was another.  It feels like adrenaline at the time, but there’s still a choice, you know?”  Poe shook his head.  “Kriff, I’d be dead if I hadn’t trusted either one of you.”  He started trembling and Finn wrapped his arms around Poe just a bit tighter.  “Ever since you stepped in with the slavers last week, there’s only been one thought running around my head.”

 

“Yeah?  What’s that?”

 

Poe stilled his fingers and looked up at Finn.  “ _Don’t let him go again_.”

 

“Oh.”  Finn’s eyes locked onto Poe’s.  “So, what do you suggest?”

 

“It’s hypocritical of me, but I ain’t giving up the Resistance.  We’re too close to winning.”

 

“I get that.”

 

“I guess what I’m saying is, when we land in nine hours, I’d like you to get off this ship with me and join the Resistance and fight.”

 

“Is that all you want me for?  Fighting?”

 

Poe shook his head.  “No.  I want you in my bed and by my side and…hell, I can’t even explain it!  When you stepped up and punched that guy in the bazaar, it was like I was getting a second chance at a whole lotta things.”  Poe sat up.  “Finn, I’m hoping that all of this,” he gestured at the bed, “is leading somewhere.  And if it’s only tonight, then, well…I’m gonna be damn grateful for tonight.  But…”

 

“But?”

 

“I’m really hoping it’s for more than tonight.  I want it to be for more than tonight.”

 

Finn studied Poe’s eyes—as bright and glittery as they were when Poe had realized that Finn needed a pilot all those years ago.  _I still need a pilot_.  Finn smiled.  “I guess we’re gonna do this, then.”

 

Poe burst into a wide grin, “Yeah?” 

 

“Yeah.”  _What the hell._   “I’m in,” Finn said, quietly.  “Figure I’ve been in since the moment I saved your sorry ass.”

 

“Which time?”

 

Finn’s hand moved to the back of Poe’s head.  “Both times,” he whispered.  _Thank goodness the universe believes in second chances_.  “Now,” he said, tugging Poe towards him.  “Do I get a preview of what awaits me when I move into your bunk tomorrow?”

 

Poe opened his mouth to respond and then chuckled, pulling out of Finn’s grasp.

 

“What,” Finn asked, sitting up.

 

“I was actually telling myself in my head to _stay calm_.” 

 

Finn gave him an incredulous look and then deadpanned, “I am calm.”

 

Poe laughed and shook his head.  “I can’t believe we’re finally doing this.”

 

Finn’s laugh shook the bed.  “Well, we are—if you’ll quit talking, that is.  Now, come here, flyboy.”  He tangled his fingers in Poe’s hair and moved to kiss him soundly.

 

Poe stopped just short of Finn’s mouth.  “Welcome to the Resistance,” he whispered.

 

“And what part of _quit talking_ don’t you understand?”

 

Poe grinned.  “You know that you’re stuck with me now.”  He gave Finn a quick peck on the lips.  “Forever,” he whispered.

 

Finn closed his eyes, loving the sound of that.  He opened them and took Poe’s face in his hands.  “Just shut up and kiss me already, Dameron.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of me starting to publish my very first fic, and I have a new fic all ready to go, but then, yesterday, a little plot bunny started nibbling on my ankle and wouldn't stop until I wrote this down.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. 
> 
> As always, I adore comments and kudos. They're very much appreciated.


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